willynilly | IC Contact

[She knows he's trying to help her, and that he's being as gentle as he can, but even so- the words sting.]

It... shouldn't be a burden... isn't it good, to want to get stronger now so I can do better next time? Isn't that why we've worked so much harder back home?

[Villain attacks there, worldly disasters here- if they're going to face them against their will anyway, they ought to be prepared.]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to improve, or wanting to save people or become more capable. [sighs through his nose, dragging a hand through his hair in thought.] ...look at it this way: if you improve for the sake of saving others, but then you end up being unable to save someone again, does that just mean you haven't improved enough?

...No... I don't think I'm capable of saving everyone. That's too unrealistic.

[And arrogant. Even All Might doesn't have a perfect record of that, and he's basically the greatest hero ever.]

You know how I got into UA, right?

I do. [reaches around his knees to clasp his wrist]

Mm... then you probably know I ranked third. Out of everyone in 1st year, I was so close to the top at the starting point. I thought, this is my big chance! I'll do great, I'm already there! But since that day I've been no better than average, sometimes even barely passing. If it hadn't been for my rescue points, that's probably where I'd have started out, too.

[She tucks her legs up under herself, fiddling with the dagger again.]

I've been thinking about that- how the rescue points counted for so much more than the villain points. More than half of my score was just from saving one person. That means I could have shown my ability to be a hero if I'd focused on what's really important. So... I want to do better than just one. I want to be more than just mediocre.

[aizawa gives her his undivided attention through all of that; he can remember the entrance exam like it was just yesterday. he remembers seeing some of the students who'd passed and thinking that it might have been better if they hadn't, but ochako hadn't been one of them. even before the first day of class, he hadn't thought she would make a poor hero.

maybe he's going about this the wrong way. not in telling her to take care of herself, but...maybe the focus is off.

so he reaches over and sets a hand atop her head, a mimic of that day down on the planet, a burning rock hovering above them and her, clutching his scarves, desperate to stay.]

You've already surpassed mediocrity. By miles.

[It's such an achingly familiar gesture - both because of when it happened last time, and because she's again reminded of her father and missing him like burning - that she almost breaks down then and there. The struggle in her expression is obvious, the way she drops her gaze, the way she bites her lip. There's a sheen of wet beneath her eyes.

She doesn't pull away, though. It hurts, but it's a good feeling, too.]

You think so...?

I wouldn't lie. [at this point, it'd be crueler than telling the truth, even if the truth had been something else.

she's not a little child. she's growing into an adult right before his eyes.]

You are not the same girl as the one from the exam, and that's a good thing. Just as much as you need to push yourself, you need to be proud, too.

[Proud... it probably shouldn't be as difficult for her to feel as it is, but it's been a struggle for a long time now. She knows she's doing okay, that she's accomplished plenty, but her goal - ignoble as it is - has always been to get rich for her family. You don't get a lot of money for being lackluster at your job. She should be striving to be the best, but with people like Bakugou and Todoroki at the top, and people like Deku in front of her and working with all their heart towards it, it's hard to be proud of just... doing okay.

Aizawa is right though- they have their own problems too, like that Breakpoint Dash hero he mentioned. They've gone through a lot, they've hurt themselves or been noticed by the wrong people. They could burn out. She's not so sure if she wants to be like that, either.

Lots of thinking to be done. Maybe she should take it easy for a bit- not necessarily six weeks, but. Something.

Tentatively she reaches up to grip his wrist, not wanting to push it by holding his hand or clinging like a child, but needing- something. A solid grip on someone who cares about her, even as just a student.

It means so much that he came for her.]

...Thank you.

[ruffles her hair.

just a bit.

there's a lot he could say, maybe more he should say; jayden had made that clear enough, that sometimes it's not enough for things to just be known or assumed without words. it's how he operates and generally how his students understand him, but maybe- maybe, due to their circumstances-

no. they don't need to use that excuse. it's about time he faced it; this is not and never will be a classroom situation.

so aizawa instead leans forward, slowly sinks to kneel up instead of crouch, and with an arm around her, pulls her from her cubby and against his shoulder. it's probably what she wants to do, probably what she needs, and he can't keep telling himself that he couldn't possibly help her because that's not their roles, not who he is.

she's a child, a teenager, a blossoming hero in his care. if he can't change himself, his habits, if he's not willing to push himself to accommodate her, then that makes him a pretty piss-poor teacher and hero himself.]

[There's a moment of resistance, like she can't believe he's doing this, but it's brief and a scant second later her arms are around him, clinging very gently. It's a kindness that's rare for him to offer, not because he isn't kind but because it isn't his way, but hers. He's meeting her in the middle, giving her this.

Even for just a minute, she'll take it, gladly and thankfully. One day maybe she won't need it, but... not for a long, long time, at least.]

IC Contact | Drift Fleet

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